Sunday, May 21, 2017

woke up at 3 am to believe in magic again

Hello again budds. Calm down because i'm not gonna complain about my college life. After those not-going-so-well middle test, FINALLY me and my high school mates were going on a trip. We went to Bromo! Can’t say that it was an epic nor a long trip but I was soooo excited. Let's cut to the chase. We choosed 28th April as our date, we booked a jeep days before the d-day, and we departed at midnight since we wanted to see the sunrise on Saturday morning. We arrived at the Sunrise Penanjakan point (prime location to watch the sunrise) around 2 AM. I was freezing there, because dude, 11 degrees Celcius??
The sad story is; we couldn’t watch the sunrise because it was (literally) foggy. Sooo yap. We went down from there around 6….or 7? And the point is, as a local who’s just step on this area for the first time in 18+ years a.k.a. entire life, well.. WELL. I REGRET THOSE DAYS I SPENT WITH FRIES AND CHIPS BUT FRIES YOU STILL MY BESTFRIEND.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

the fireworks begin

time flies. yea. it does, for the sake of  this not-so-holly-world. 
well, i'm not trying to be that dramatic for leaving high school, facing new step, and so on... but. wow. i'm going to college??!?? just wow. at some point, i believe that i'm still dreaming. you know what i was just thinking about real life, stop chasing up the pavement and stuffs last year. did i just sleep for year or what bcs the time has come FOR REAL and those thought about real life thingy aren't just /a thought/. they're right in front of me. and i'm gonna face them.

guess what i'm being dramatic in the end,

Saturday, October 24, 2015


People often get stuck with the disease of complacency. they become satisfied with a disgusting habit of not trying hard anymore but doing just enough to get by and be kept in held positions or title. affection become limited, attention disappears. love inevitably escapes because there is nothing to live for. i mean, love is an emotion that requires and demands to be fed. believe me when i say, it's bad karma to mistreat good people and you don't want that on you. if someone giving you all they have, however provided, respect that. you should honor their attempt to at least give you something in spite of their shortcomings. them trying should be enough for you to give back ten times more of what you have, and value that connection enough to keep ascending. don't let anyone give you half of anything and fed you leftovers when you can be served a meal because you deserve you to. life is about evolving, sharing good space with the people you love. constantly giving more than you can ever ask for in return. /that/ is ultimate freedom.
do not, i repeat, DO NOT be complacent.
there is always more you can do.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Senior year! what's next?

Senior year! finally! ((udah lama sih sebenernya kenaikannya hahahah ini aja udah setengah semester)) some people said that..tahun tahun terakhir ini bakalan jadi salah satu masa tersibuk, tergalau, terstreess, dan ter ter yang lain. and? YEAH IT IS. terutama yang tergalau. true shit. aku lagi ngerasain banget sekarang, padahal juga baru setengah semester kelas 12. "step selanjutnya bener bener bakal nentuin masa depanmu, jadi pikirin yang bener" satu kalimat ini beneran bikin ragu banget dan akhirnya banyak pertanyaan 'how if' di otakku yang ditujukan buat mimpiku sendiri. mimpi yang ((sebenernya)) aku udah yakin daridulu banget, bahkan dari aku SD. mimpi yang sampe aku mikir udah mantep banget dan yakin kalo gabakal goyah.
Tdjiar. gatau kenapa ya, mungkin karena bentar lagi aku bakalan 'beneran' nentuin step selanjutnya jadi sekarang baru kepikiran. banget. yang sampe aku mikirin ini every.second.time. padahal jujur aja, daridulu banyak banget orang yang ngatain kalo mimpiku bukan hal yang 'pasti', and i'm like "yeah i know that for real. but im still gonna fight for that." ya, itu jawabanku yang dulu. dan kalo boleh jujur aku mau banget balik ke aku yang masih kaya gitu. dulu aku emang orangnya optimist banget hahahah. over-optimist malahan. aku tipe orang yang cuek atau mungkin bisa dibilang nggak percaya sama yang namanya 'standar realita'. pokoknya kalo aku mau sesuatu ya gapernah mikir "aku bisa nggak ya..." anyway pepatah yang pernah bilang kalo ucapan/pikiran adalah doa itu bener banget loh serius, aku pernah mengalami masa-masa itu soalnya. DULU, aku jaraaang ngerasa insecure kalo ikut lomba, dalam hati itu dari awal sampe akhir ya kata-katanya "pasti bisa, pasti bisa", dan emang bener sih, Alhamdulillah akhirnya banyak yang bisa beneran tercapai gara-gara aku jarang (bahkan hampir gapernah) ragu sama diriku sendiri. padahaaal kalo dipikir dipikir lagi sekarang, penampilan peserta lain di lomba yang aku ikutin waktu itu banyak yang lebih bagus daripada penampilanku. 
Tapi entahlah kok makin kesini makin gampang terpengaruh negative vibes nya society, makin gampang down kalo ada orang bilang kalo mimpiku itu agak ketinggian, daaan akhirnya muncul lah pikiran "apa aku ambil jalan yang aman aman aja ya?" ohMy. I admit akhir akhir ini emang sering kepikiran mau ambil jalan yang 'katanya' realistis atau mau tetep berjuang buat mimpiku? 
and then i think. again. again. again. 
and again.
and I.m awake. I'll keep going with my principle.
"The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it" 

gonna find my way soon.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

just crabby mood

Hey. Well I don’t know how to start it. So this will be one of my random-ass-post. I’m so exhausted with my life for a second, and it feels like there is something wrong with me. And yes, it is. I rarely get mood swings and it’s rather hard for me to angry, but lately… I’ve turned into sensitive-ass-creature. And I hate that for real. But in fact everything seems so irritating. And annoying. And…..yah but whatsoever was that, I really hate them. LIKE A LOT. So I’m gonna say that, okay? I just want to flare up anything with you guys, without feeling offended nor take it seriously. But you guys just can’t take it. *deep sigh* *again*

Sometimes, there’s no way to remove myself from some situations. But zone out is always the best way to escape from this crabby mood. Then I’m here like

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Isn't this pathetic..

"I learned the hard way that I cannot always count on others to respect my feelings, even if I respect theirs. Being a good person doesn't guarantee that others will be good people too. You only have to control of yourself and how you choose to be as a person. As for others, you can only choose to accept them or walk away."

Friday, March 21, 2014

but whoops I really don't care actually.

yes. I AM stressed with all this homework, deadline, and exam and school and everything and yah whatever was that the point is. I AM stressed with all this school stuff. And by the way I'll have A1 test, sort of 'the lowest level test' for beginner from Goethe Institute. and it's on Tuesday. 3 more days. and I'll pick 4 of preparation from 1-10. and I'm like whATTTTt CAN I KILL MYSELF NOW. yeah but. about homework -especially math, as always i don't really care or maybe i really don't care.